What Your Reviews Say About You

Have you ever read a scathing hotel review and wondered, “Did we even stay at the same place?” The answer might surprise you. To better understand the driving forces behind hotel reviews, we analyzed over 1,000 guest evaluations for a charming, historic coastal boutique hotel. What we found was fascinating: the most negative reviews often revealed more about the reviewer’s mindset than the actual hotel experience.

Let’s examine the psychology of online reviews in more detail. When we pay for a service, whether it’s a hotel stay, a meal at a restaurant, or even a haircut, a subtle shift can occur in our mindset. We start to feel a sense of ownership, a belief that we’re owed a certain level of quality and satisfaction. This sense of entitlement can be particularly strong in the area of travel. We invest time, money, and anticipation into our vacations, and any deviation from our idealized vision can trigger feelings of frustration and betrayal.

“This place was an absolute disaster. The room was filthy, the staff was rude, and the breakfast was inedible. I’ve never been so disgusted. I demanded a full refund.”

The language is hyperbolic and accusatory, a clear sign that entitlement has taken over. This reviewer has cast themselves as the victim, completely absolving themselves of any responsibility for their experience. But why does this happen?

Psychologists suggest that entitlement often stems from a deeper fear of vulnerability. When we pay for a service, we relinquish a degree of control – we’re trusting the provider to deliver on their promises. For some individuals, this can trigger feelings of helplessness and anxiety. They try to compensate for this perceived vulnerability by demanding perfection, setting unrealistically high expectations. When those expectations aren’t met, their emotional reactivity escalates, and they lash out, seeking to regain a sense of power and control.

Intriguingly, research shows that people are more likely to exhibit demanding behavior when they feel they’ve earned something, as opposed to simply receiving it as a gift. This sense of having “paid the price” can amplify feelings of entitlement, making even minor imperfections feel like major transgressions. When reality falls short of expectations, feelings of helplessness set in, and a “victim narrative” emerges. The hotel becomes the villain, and the reviewer casts themselves as the wronged party, demanding apologies or compensation.

Let’s Break It Down

To help us understand how people process information and form opinions, we developed a framework for categorizing personality traits. The framework examines six key personality traits that influence how we interpret our experiences:

• Cognitive Flexibility: How adaptable are you to new situations?
• Uncertainty Tolerance: How comfortable are you with the unexpected?
• Emotional Reactivity: How intensely do you react to positive or negative events?
• Social Orientation: How considerate are you of other people's perspectives?
• Temporal Perspective: Do you focus on the big picture or get stuck on small details?
• Agency Perception: Do you take responsibility for your own role in a situation?

By applying this framework to hotel reviews, we discovered that negative reviewers often display specific patterns. They tend to have lower Cognitive Flexibility, meaning they struggle to adapt to a hotel’s limitations, especially in a boutique setting. Their Uncertainty Tolerance is also lower, making them more sensitive to minor inconveniences. Additionally, they often have a higher Emotional Reactivity, leading them to express dissatisfaction in a dramatic or exaggerated way.

Here’s what our data revealed:

The Victim of Circumstance: Approximately 5% of the reviews we examined followed a clear “victim narrative,” marked by exaggerated language, blame-shifting, and a sense of being wronged. Words like disgusting, horrible, unacceptable, worst, ruined, traumatic, nightmare, outrageous, and despicable frequently appeared in these reviews.

“This is the noisiest accommodation I have ever stayed in! The walls are super thin and you can hear people stomping in the rooms above you talking in the lobby, traffic and dogs barking on the street. It was almost impossible to go to sleep at night time. The other main problem is the shower temperature. I spent 10 minutes trying to get it to an agreeable temperature and would turn the cold on just a little and all the sudden it would be freezing. Turn the other way just barely and then it’s scalding. Once you get it set to something workable be prepared for a cold blast! That is the most aggravating and uncomfortable experience. They also do not have any premium channels or access to Netflix or prime video, so if you get sick, like I did you will be laying in bed, listening to all the noise around you with a bunch of crappy daytime TV programs to watch. No small refrigerator, loose hardware in the bathroom, dated furniture. It is beautiful on the outside, and in a fabulous location, but I will not stay here again.”

The Endless Complainer: Roughly 7% of reviews fell into a category we call “the endless complainer.” These guests seemed to operate under the assumption that every aspect of their stay should be flawlessly tailored to their preferences, with little tolerance for the realities of a historic property or the constraints faced by the hotel staff.

“The furniture was old and beat up, the bed frame was not attached to bed and was resting against the wall with huge gauges in the wall. The blinds were chipped, cracked and warped. The carpet was old and needs to be replaced. The whole unit could use a new paint job and the dated wallpaper needs to go.”

The Power of Perspective

While negative reviewers often fall into the trap of entitlement and helplessness, our analysis revealed a refreshing counterpoint – the thoughtful, balanced reviewer. These guests stand out, not for having perfect stays, but for their ability to find joy and meaning even amidst imperfections. They navigate the ups and downs of travel with a different cognitive toolkit.

A significant portion of reviewers, about 40%, showcased a more balanced perspective, demonstrating higher Cognitive Flexibility and moderate Emotional Reactivity. They acknowledged minor inconveniences while highlighting positive aspects of their stays, such as:

“While the room was a bit small and the plumbing had its quirks, we found the historic charm to be truly delightful. The staff was friendly and the location was simply unbeatable.”

The Adaptive Storyteller: Perhaps the most inspiring group were the roughly 10% of reviewers who embraced what we call “Adaptive Storytelling.” They possessed a unique ability to turn challenges into opportunities for adventure and even humor. They recognized their role in shaping their experience and chose to focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems.

Take this reviewer, for example, who wrote:

“Great stay with lots of historic charm in an awesome location. We walked to restaurants, along the shoreline, even downtown. It’s really fun staying in places with so much character. We stayed in level 3 and think this was a good decision, as this is an old creaky building. The seagulls still welcomed us to the morning every day with their “singing” right over our skylight. The room was huge. Service was very friendly and the free nightly glass of wine and morning parfaits were welcomed. Parking was always easy even during our holiday weekend stay. We alway found street parking within a block.”

What sets these positive reviewers apart? They exhibit greater Cognitive Flexibility, allowing them to adapt their expectations and find the silver linings amidst minor challenges. Their Uncertainty Tolerance is higher, so they can embrace the unexpected without spiraling into frustration. They demonstrate strong Agency Perception, recognizing their own role in shaping their experience and seeking solutions rather than dwelling on problems.

So, what can you learn from analyzing your own review tendencies? Start by acknowledging that no hotel, service, or experience will ever be truly perfect. Recognize that our reactions often stem from our own cognitive predispositions and emotional patterns. By cultivating greater Cognitive Flexibility, Uncertainty Tolerance, and a balanced Emotional Reactivity, we can transform our approach to travel – and life itself. We can move away from the entitlement trap and become more adaptable, resilient, and ultimately, more fulfilled individuals.

Remember, the next time you find yourself crafting a review, pause and ask yourself: What does this say about me? With a little bit of self-awareness, you might just discover that the most valuable insights are not about the hotel, but about yourself.

Editor's Note: The research presented here was conducted on the IA Platform, and the blog was compiled and written by multiple AI Assistants including our own "hospitality expert."